Recall me as when we first met
cheek at your cheek, friend of a friend,
ill-conceived but not to forget
words upon words to conscious end
of day, then nights, as transit moon
for Venus strayed, could not pretend
to love her less or leave me soon.
Sputtered protestations blustered,
tuckered out, tossing my fortune
in fortune’s lap having mustered
little strength to orbit, this bond
now thrives despite the frustrated
circumstances of its birth--gone
beyond chance collision to love on.
The Toads are trying out the TERZA RIMA form in the Imaginary Garden. This draft is less than stellar but am currently all wound up in the weird rhymes and have lost track of what I’m trying to say. Yikes!
I think this is great... I feel a connection to the first three lines especially, the falling in love and how life made it hard to keep that feeling to the end... I wonder how to keep the ember's glow too... love and habit has a tendency to not really match up well.
ReplyDelete'to love her less or leave me soon'.. sigh.. there is so much emotion in these words, Marian!💞 Beautifully rendered.
ReplyDeleteI thought this was great, too -- given the challenges of the form, you wove a rhyme that carries powerful rue in its arms. "Transit moon / of Venus strayed" is brilliant. Cupid busy here.
ReplyDeleteI also love the transit moon.. two words which say it all.
ReplyDeleteI'm feeling out of sorts without my customary writing spot at my PC, so haven't tried my hand at this prompt yet.
I love the challenging rhymes you chose and mastered, and the beautiful language altogether. I think you sustained the coherent thread.
ReplyDelete"as transit moon
ReplyDeletefor Venus strayed"........ The glitter in the gilded poem... love that image
I enjoyed the wrap around sentences - not ending at the end of each line with rhyme but mid sentence. Brought a refreshing "newness" to this form I think.
ReplyDeleteI like this, Margaret. I do like to see how the prompt selectors end up using the prompts in their writings. (You passed with flying colors, as if I should judge.) But now, isn't it strange, the relationship and feeling combo, how it morphs with time. Do you still hold hands? Mrs. Jim and I do at times.
ReplyDeleteI feel I should make sure you know about my picture. I put this on my FB:
"This picture was taken in a museum in the cellar of the Château de Vaux-le-Vicomte mansion (southeast of Paris about 61km). Imprisonment for Money, Powerm, and Politics."
Love begins with a bonfire and chases toward ashes. I too love how you put a different twist on the form.
ReplyDelete