2.26.2017

Composition

Your voice
in seven awkward syllables
leaning to maladroit:
Heavy rain through an eavespout
mimicking your tone of voice,
echoing meaning
in low tympanic verse,
symphonically flooded,
a thunderflowing noise
like mallets on a prayer bowl.
     Rhythm me your voice--

Love this new (to me) form introduced by Gillena: FOLD

10 comments:

  1. Oh those closing two lines.... the mallet on a prayer bowl... marvelous.

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  2. rhyme is a brick wall for me, but your soft rhymes are nice choices

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  3. a thunderflowing noise
    like mallets on a prayer bowl.... love the word "thunderflowing" and the ending line. Actually, I love it all.

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  4. Ooh yes, so evocative. Makes me all shivery.

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  5. Ooh this is absolutely awe-inspiring, Marian!❤️

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  6. Marian
    Thanks for participating, luv your content, luv your animated sounds,

    I have one gripe with this though YOUR RHYME, I couldn't find the end rhymes in Lines 3, 7, and 9

    #One of the rules still needs to be observed in writing this form however, The rhyme,
    You didn't get that bit in this time.

    Here are some links, to a few more samples, should you want to try the form again sometime:
    Moon
    Grayscaled Hours
    The Outdoor Picnic

    much love...


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    Replies
    1. Ahhh... thank you, Gillena. I was trying for some slant rhymes and near-rhymes here but perhaps that is not allowed. Oh well!

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  7. This turned out so well, Marian. I love that it has your personal signature in the phrasing and I am so impressed you chose 'adroit' as the first rhyming word! I thought your clever take on the vowels was expertly done.

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    Replies
    1. Oops.. maladroit.. But you know what I mean.
      ;-)

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  8. I thought this was a fun form too! Love how you've used it.

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