Your voicein seven awkward syllablesleaning to maladroit:Heavy rain through an eavespoutmimicking your tone of voice,echoing meaningin low tympanic verse,symphonically flooded,a thunderflowing noiselike mallets on a prayer bowl.Rhythm me your voice--
Love this new (to me) form introduced by Gillena: FOLD
Oh those closing two lines.... the mallet on a prayer bowl... marvelous.
ReplyDeleterhyme is a brick wall for me, but your soft rhymes are nice choices
ReplyDeletea thunderflowing noise
ReplyDeletelike mallets on a prayer bowl.... love the word "thunderflowing" and the ending line. Actually, I love it all.
Ooh yes, so evocative. Makes me all shivery.
ReplyDeleteOoh this is absolutely awe-inspiring, Marian!❤️
ReplyDeleteMarian
ReplyDeleteThanks for participating, luv your content, luv your animated sounds,
I have one gripe with this though YOUR RHYME, I couldn't find the end rhymes in Lines 3, 7, and 9
#One of the rules still needs to be observed in writing this form however, The rhyme,
You didn't get that bit in this time.
Here are some links, to a few more samples, should you want to try the form again sometime:
Moon
Grayscaled Hours
The Outdoor Picnic
much love...
Ahhh... thank you, Gillena. I was trying for some slant rhymes and near-rhymes here but perhaps that is not allowed. Oh well!
DeleteThis turned out so well, Marian. I love that it has your personal signature in the phrasing and I am so impressed you chose 'adroit' as the first rhyming word! I thought your clever take on the vowels was expertly done.
ReplyDeleteOops.. maladroit.. But you know what I mean.
Delete;-)
I thought this was a fun form too! Love how you've used it.
ReplyDelete