Sometimes I feel likesome sad old goddamn songthat everyone knows the words tobut just won’t sing along--Charlie Chesterman, "Mister Blue"
Laughing girltugs her beater over her bellyoversharesearns a stage shout-outis easily amusedseemingly cheerfullike baby’s breathin a carnation bouquetShe is rain on Sundaybag of kittens in the rivercalliopelast call banjoat Nico’s Recovery Roomstumbling down Highland Avethree flights upto an empty bed
Flash 55 for Real Toads!
rain on Sunday and bag of kittens in the river... that's tragedy if there ever was one.. (somehow I think this one could fit to "Another day in Paradise" too..
ReplyDeleteAgh. Such potent and evocative tropes here and more than tropes. Really well done, Marian. k.
ReplyDeleteThis is just brilliant, Marian.
ReplyDeleteBrilliant indeed. I don't know how you packed so much story into 55 words.
ReplyDeleteGoodness...I hate to be the girl who has over shared...sigh. Excellent poem, Marian. I'm sorry I didn't make it to your prompt. I've been busy with moving this summer...a big project. :) Good to read you. xo
ReplyDeleteSo well described, in both aspects.
ReplyDeleteYour descirptions are so poignant. As Kerry said, you have told an entire story in these few words, and with huge impact.
ReplyDeleteThat second stanza is raw... really good.
ReplyDeleteLaughing girl
ReplyDeleteearns a stage shout-out
is easily amused
seemingly cheerful
A laughing girl will evoke such lovely memories. They are full of life! Great lines Marian!
Hank
Pitch perfect for that kind of blue. Of course the lover in the first stanza would reveal the one in the second. Reveling in her ...
ReplyDeleteOh my goodness. I see her. Maybe I know her....laughing,. hiding the pain as she goes home to her lonely dismal flat. The bag of kittens in the river is unexpected, and really fills out the picture. Really amazing work.
ReplyDeleteI am overwhelmed by the rush of images. Exemplary.
ReplyDeleteDamn - that contrast between the first and second stanza. The construction gives the words a stronger punch by the time you reach the end.
ReplyDelete