It’s time to whisper, as the birds have cometo folly us with song at morning’s breathand tease our dream-scapes with relentless sun.
Wake up! They cry, the time for dreams is done!Wake up your sleepy head, it’s well past death-time, now whispering, and the birds have come
To bring us joy, to bring incessant funagainst our will, against our early breath,to tease our dream-scapes off with endless sun.
Such sunny days are few, and only oneor two are worth this elegant throat-catch;It’s time to whisper, as the birds have come.
Let’s turn our voices to forever-done,tune in to birdsong, tune out all this mess,embrace our dream-scapes and relentless sun
In exquisite display, my mourning one.For you and me, forever-ness, unlessin time for whispers, sweet, sweet birds have cometo tease dream-scapes away with endless sun.
Poem Number Five for Poetry Month, sharing a VILLANELLE for Tuesday in the Imaginary Garden. If you can even believe it! My first ever, and probably my last.
Don’t hate the villain. Hate the villanelle!
You have braved using the traditional application of iambic pentameter meter to the villanelle. The result flows so sweetly. I began using that meter and found it totally destroyed the feeling I wanted. So I just kept to the villanelle rhyme scheme. I found Dylan Thomas varied his rhythms in his vilklanelle 'Runaway'so that opened the door for me.
ReplyDeleteLuvverly! You've created an exquisite villanelle, and I love such beautiful lines and phrases as 'to folly us with song at morning's breath' and 'this elegant throat-catch'.
ReplyDeleteThe opening lines are pure gold!
ReplyDeleteBeautifully penned :D
Lots of love,
Sanaa
Your first? This is purely lovely.
ReplyDeleteI can hardly believe it is your first ever. This is just so stylish. I love the way you altered each repeating line slightly - I think it is the right choice for a less rigid flow to the piece as a whole. You have combined the images of death with those of life with a subtle flair. It would be hard to think of mourning on such a beautiful day.
ReplyDeleteI swear the wake the buds open. This makes me want to write poetry to their score.
ReplyDeleteI swear the wake the buds open. This makes me want to write poetry to their score.
ReplyDeleteOooh, a traditional Villanelle in iambic and so beautifully done. This really speaks to me as I woke to birdsong this morning, a good fifteen minutes before my alarm. I was not happy about the early rising, but I could not stay mad for the joy of the song.
ReplyDeleteI shall arrange for a wake up call with your speaker. Getting up "past death" tends to be a problem for many.
ReplyDeleteSo well done,, I enjoyed all of it but the first lines caught my spirit right away, "It’s time to whisper, as the birds have come
ReplyDeleteto folly us with song at morning’s breath"
I like your villanelle, Marian. Those nasty birds, stay away.
ReplyDelete..
Oh I love this Villanelle.. such a great creation and how you embedded a narrative into the lyrics, the slight variations only enhancing the form... there is something so very spring-like in your poem..
ReplyDeleteI like "fun against our will." Often the best kind.
ReplyDeleteI like "fun against our will." Often the best kind.
ReplyDeleteMost poems with birds I love, including this one.
ReplyDelete"....to folly us with song at morning's breath" - oh, what a beautiful line.......and the "elegant throat-catch". This must not be your last villanelle because, at the villanelle, my friend, you excel!!!!! This is so wonderful to read!!!!!!!!!
ReplyDeleteThe third and fourth stanzas are my favorites. I've enjoyed reading this a few times already today. Well done. :)
ReplyDeleteThis is just terrific, Marian--the harmonics are wonderful, the variations are terrific and the content is solid and alluring--really well done and so much fun to read. Great work! k.
ReplyDeletejust marvelous ~
ReplyDeleteDamn birds, relentless sun ... waking's won by them, "incessant" and "endless" -- here's the vast complaint of the sleepy-head who just isn't ready to surrender to the fact of day-ing, the uphill slog of writing it all down and so. The ecstasy of birds is free -- for them, anyway; for us, it's a villanelle -- work. You iron through these with reluctant joy and work well done.
ReplyDeleteI agree - a hard poem to capture well and you did. "tune in to birdsong, tune out all this mess," and an appropriate message of this day and age...
ReplyDelete