Downtown
after darkness,
blanketing other realms
stays at bay, streetlights & neon
beckon
your guts
to wander, search
each block for clues absent
in daylight, but obvious when
bills owed
exceed
accounts received.
Behind glass, mannequins
illuminate your extra pounds,
dead weight
morbid
but curious
and strangely beautiful,
meant to be shared with someone yet
unknown--
Tonight,
intimate, blue
translucent heartbroken
light shines on a city you had
forgot.
Downtown--
to wander, search
behind glass mannequins--
meant to be shared with someone, yet
forgot.
 |
| photo by Marian Kent |
This is my attempt at a garland cinquain--one I haven't pulled off yet, and am not sure I have this time, either. It's five cinquain stanzas, plus a sixth made up of lines from the first five.
I love this..a lingering feeling of hope still ;)
ReplyDelete'Downtown after darkness' pulls me right in. The whole thing has an intrigue, a sense of mystery, about it. Thanks for this challenge Marian...loved your cinquains you shared there too.
ReplyDeleteThank you for introducing us to this lovely form. I really enjoyed your post and poems, and learned something new. I love this poem--it has a city-like mysterious nighttime feeling, well matched with your photo. You gave the garland cinquain form a modern interpretation :)
ReplyDeleteYou make this form seem so effortless. I love your approach which allows for the enjambment between cinquains - the flow is just incredible, and the final garland ties up the whole journey to perfection.
ReplyDeleteThanks for taking the time to host our form challenge on RT.
I like the downtown ballet and wandering lost like a mannequin ~
ReplyDeleteI would love to try this again with the theme of city ~ Wonderful weaving of words and form Marian ~
I love what you did!
ReplyDeleteI love how it blends and lifts-amazing!
I now what to try it!
Thank you Marian, so much for sharing this form~
so beautiful...I have to read it again!
:D @>----------
oh I LOVE the rhythm and how this flows, wow... thanks for being a wonderful teacher!
ReplyDeleteThis is the picture I liked the most Marian--something very evocative about the arm gesture, very human, and you catch that feeling in your piece, along with a lot of other plays on light and darkness. Coincidentally, your garland cinquin form is a kind of introduction for the form I'm doing next week--stay tuned! Loved the prompt, love the form, and loved these lines especially:
ReplyDeleteBehind glass, mannequins
illuminate your extra pounds,
dead weight
morbid
but curious
and strangely beautiful...
uh oh, i think the garland is very hard! for me, forms that repeat are very challenging. i am convinced that the people who attacked garland cinquains this week are also lovers of (to me) horrid forms like sestina and whatnot. so maybe i'm in trouble next week!
DeleteHi again, Marian. Just wanted to stop by one more time to say thank you for your encouraging comment on my poems. I appreciate the feedback since it was the first time I tried out the form. You're a good teacher! To answer your question, I actually live in the countryside of New York, not far from NYC. So glad you enjoyed your trip to NYC and that it inspired such a creative poem. I love taking urban photos and I post many shots of NYC on my blog. It's snowing today and our farmer's market is indoors, so we were able to get the lavender bouquet. Glad you liked my post. It's been so nice to meet you! :)
ReplyDeleteooh, i'm so glad you liked this prompt. i guess we do have an indoor market here, but still, is someone growing lavender in large quantities indoors? inquiring minds want to know!
DeleteWow, me at night, sitting over my bills, noting what isn't clean, seeing my body's shape reflected back at me from the glass where I didn't close the curtains--that's where you took me, into my own underpopulated space waiting to share with someone.... I am not even sure I read your story though I have read this three times now, I have a superimposed reflection. Sometimes it happens like that. Thank you.
ReplyDeleteit does sometimes happen like that and i am very pleased it did for you, with this. xo
Deletei'm so pleased that you are all inspired, and my geek-poet heart is warmed by reading all these cinquains! keep em coming, friends. and thanks for all the kind words about my writing, xoxxo
ReplyDeleteWow, I think it must be awfully hard to include all five lines, and to make them make sense together AND wrap up the whole piece as a good strong ending should. That's an awful lot to ask. This challenge is a really fun one, and I learned something. Besides, Marian, you are such a good host!
ReplyDeleteOh I think you pulled this off just fine. Poety lady.
ReplyDeleteThis has a wistfulness to it. Goodness you did such an excellent job of telling such a story in the poetic form.
ReplyDeletei don't know how a garland cinquain is even possible! brilliant!
ReplyDeletethanks for the great prompt!
♥
Wonderful to put them all together- and great poem for NYC. k.
ReplyDeletethanks, everybody. you are all such good sports, taking on this task!
ReplyDeletei think the garland is very, very hard... just saying. argh! this one MAYBE KINDA works.
xoxo
Beautifully done (and so far beyond my talents!) It's so wistful, and I have such a soft spot for the hidden secrets found on city streets.
ReplyDeletethank you, Angela... and you could totally write something like this. go check out the article linked above, and try one! :)
Delete