2.09.2013

Idear Man

What were we thinking?
Like impertinent fools,
turning off a true path,
I was yes to your yes
as I’d never yet tried.

This was all your idea.
I just followed along,
like a lamb to slaughter
allowing your sacrifice.
What was I thinking?

Oh, those little lambs,
suckling at mama’s teat,
unable yet to swagger,
yet helping themselves
like impertinent fools.

Trapped in your confines
atrophy set in, like love
attacking the core of me,
cardiomyopathic rhythms
clicking off my true path.

Heart insists: no regrets!
Steady on and love again.
How I wish for other days
with the strength of no,
but I said yes to your yes.
The gods are ever outraged
by any human sacrifice,
and I am sick to death
of my heart’s dirty truth:
I ain’t ever been tried.

What was I thinking?
I just followed along,
unable to swagger still,
in cardiomyopathic rhythm.
I was yes to your yes, but
my heart still ain’t been tried.

Hedgewitch has challenged the Real Toads to write a cascade poem this weekend. I confess an aversion to cascade and some other forms featuring repeating lines, but I tried anyway.

18 comments:

  1. Hi Marian, this describes the roundabout paths of regret the mind goes through so well - the cascade very effective for this type of retracing. k.

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  2. Marian this was very clever and I could so relate to the swagger of your rhythm!
    I too sometimes wonder, what was I thinking, when I detoured off my path~
    <3 it

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  3. A cascade poem with a garland? Seven five-line stanzas?

    This is huge, Marian, despite your aversion to the repetition, you have shown yourself to be able to master anything you set your mind to.

    The gods are ever outraged
    by any human sacrifice,
    and I am sick to death
    of my heart’s dirty truth:
    I ain’t ever been tried.

    This stanza really stood out for me - it is so wise, and so knowing of human fallibility.

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    1. i figure if i'm gonna try something i dislike, may as well go all out!
      i'm still not all that crazy about this but whatever. i like the stanza you pointed out, for sure.
      xo

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  4. Terrific response Marian and Kerry quoted my favorite lines too ~ I like the premise, What was I thinking ? ~ Smiles ~

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  5. Oh I love this, it speak of human regret and looking back in hindsight, the lessons learned. So honest, and great job with the form :)

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  6. Hey--I gave you permission to try a terza rima. ;_) You want annoying! That one will make you nuts. ;_) This is really nicely crafted, I think--your short lines help balance the length of the poem, and keep it punching all through--I also like the stanza Kerry quoted, it is sort of the pivot the poem turns on for me, and makes the pinwheel of the repetition just part of the movement of the idea. I also like that you swiceled your repeated line meanings around, using them freshly in each stanza, which I think is the hardest part, other than keeping the sing-songy part out--and that truly is the problem with repeating lines--they have to be really strong, non-cliche, and meaty. I think you did that par excellence here. Thank you so much for pushing your own envelope--the results are very much a pleasure to read.

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    1. um, that should be 'swiveled'--but swiceled is one of my better typos. :P

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  7. Excellent job with a form that nearly killed me! I really like the way this progresses.

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  8. I thought Joy had invented a new word ~ darn. Your cascade is awesome!!

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    1. I know, I was all oh there's a word I'll have to look up. :)

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  9. This is a fantastic poem from any perspective - rich and meaty in its message, (I love the repetition of "I was yes to your yes"), fantastically well executed as a cascade poem. Loved it. Especially "no regrets! steady on and love again". Thank heavens for the loving again!

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  10. the thing about this poem fitting this form is that these kind of relationship do repeat themselves over and over, either in the guise of different people, or sometimes these kind of people break up get back, break up get back ad ad nuseum

    journey with a new friend

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  11. You took the form and ran way ahead of me. Love it! Damn! The mind does drive one crazy with regrets.

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  12. Just the attempt would have been brave enough, and fighting it to a draw downright heroic--but you've done even better than that. Downright over-achievement, in this hack's book.

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  13. This subject works so well in this form. I especially like S4:
    'Trapped in your confines
    atrophy set in, like love
    attacking the core of me,
    cardiomyopathic rhythms
    clicking off my true path.'

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  14. What were you thinking?? In my high school yearbook I willed anyone who wanted it my agility at leaping in WITHOUT thinking. I love "I was yes to your yes" and the additional repetitions that were not formulaic: "I just followed along" and "cardiomyopathic rhythm." To me these lines helped the tone and the sense of regret.

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  15. This whole thing was inspired by an old Alice Cooper song. Heh!

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