7.25.2012

behind blue eyes

After spins around
the dreamland ballroom,
you strode the midway,
showing off,
having earned your prize.

She was like a visit
from benevolent fairies.

Convinced,
you raised your arms
and let go, barreling
like a blue streak,
heart in your throat.

You learned how it feels
to give yourself over.

After that, every day
was like skinnydipping
at the beach club,
full of beauty, breeze,
unencumbered.

She was cool water
in all your private places.

A pastoral life, then,
ups and downs predicted
yet astonishing
like the swing and breeze
of the pirate ship.
You tended them till grown,
mostly companionably.
But in one spinning moment
the bottom dropped out,
taking your belly with it,
leaving a burning hole,
a gift from hell. 
You hung there, akilter
like a fun-house mirror. 
Now she's gone,
and you are stuck
at the top of the wheel,
as if on pause.
No one knows what it's like.

30 comments:

  1. This is a fantastic write. Beautiful story till the bottom dropped out......."you are stuck at the top of the wheel"........great write, Marian.

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  2. Oh Marian...can I have a new favorite? I mean I adore Roswell, but something about this just touched me. That moment that the bottom drops, the ferris wheel bucket swings, the coaster gets stuck, your words just brought that sudden STOP to life.

    I tell you all the time, but today, I'll say it again. Your words, they change me, every single day, every single stanza. Thank you for that. xoxoo

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  3. sweet - you can capture moments like no one else

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  4. friends, you are too sweet, thank you. full of gratitude for your reading and support! xo

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  5. Oooohhh - that was a mean trick you played there. Totally sucker-punched me at the end!

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  6. This was really touching. I really felt a deep compassion in this. I feel as though there is a story waiting to be told from this. Wonderful!

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  7. "she was cool water in all your private places." for some reason this line is resonating so much with me. x

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  8. oh, i'm glad! thank you, friends. xo

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  9. "She was like a visit
    from benevolent fairies. ... I love this. :)
    Convinced," ... What lovely sound is creating by placing "visit" and "convinced" near one another.

    "She was cool water
    in all your private places." ... Whew. Nice.

    "No one knows what it's like." ... We all feel this way, but so many do know what it's like. But if you don't talk about it, keeping it to yourself, certainly no one knows what's behind blue eyes.

    "After spins around" ... I first read the opening as if "After" were the noun doing the spinning. Now that I've read the whole poem, I see that this is quite possible. All that encompasses the "after" spins around out of control, in a state of confusion.

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  10. Very well done = I like the cool water line the best, I think but being stuck at the wheel very powerful too. (The whole thing really.) k.

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  11. She was cool water
    in all your private places....

    Ha! Could an image be more tactile? The ups and downs of this relationship thing continue to fascinate, but few can open the can of worms as well as you.

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    Replies
    1. that's very generous, thank you, dear Kerry.

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  12. Wow. This leaves me a bit stumbling, speechless. So good. I loved the line that says

    After that, every day
    was like skinny-dipping

    You have talent with imagery. Your voice... soul stirring.

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  13. I like that line too:
    'She was cool water
    in all your private places' very sensual thoughts.
    What a shame the bottom dropped out of his stomach as she left him in the lurch.
    Some great lines and, visuals all through this. Really enjoyed it.

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  14. There's a dancelike feel to this, a couple thing, and the uncoupling is harsh and effective. All the two-line stanzas are ace, and the longer ones good and chewy. I especially like the pirate ship getting worked in.

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  15. You have described this as good as anyone I have ever read, and that instant, that one that you didn't see coming....holy shit, this was fantastic Girly Q...really good.

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  16. The pastoral tradition always has death in it, lurking somewhere.
    I am happy for the coupling before:
    "the bottom dropped out,
    taking your belly with it,
    leaving a burning hole,
    a gift from hell."
    How beautiful the skinnydipping
    before getting stuck on top of the wheel!

    Despite the sad story, this poem is gorgeous in its form and diction.

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    Replies
    1. i believe you've got it, Susan! whew. thank you.

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  17. This is wonderful narrative poetry, love and love lost without the saccharrine, the moral used as a club. I loves me some narrative poetry, and this is the good stuff.

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    1. (I should say "the moral not wielded as a club"; that was one sloppy and serpentine sentence above.)

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  18. thanks, everyone. i think this needs some work but i like the idea and the story feels important for me to tell. xoxox

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  19. Really strong piece... loved it!

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  20. You take a relationship from inception, through all stage, to dissolution; and you make us feel the rush, ebb, flow of the ride.

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  21. Which of us doesn't remember at least one heartbroken moment like this:
    "the bottom dropped out,
    taking your belly with it,
    leaving a burning hole" ?
    Fabulously written, Marian.
    K

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  22. thank you, friends. just thanks. xo

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  23. wow.wow.and double wow!especially the last two stanzas.brilliantly done.

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