behind blue eyes

After spins around
the dreamland ballroom,
you strode the midway,
showing off,
having earned your prize.

She was like a visit
from benevolent fairies.

you raised your arms
and let go, barreling
like a blue streak,
heart in your throat.

You learned how it feels
to give yourself over.

After that, every day
was like skinnydipping
at the beach club,
full of beauty, breeze,

She was cool water
in all your private places.

A pastoral life, then,
ups and downs predicted
yet astonishing
like the swing and breeze
of the pirate ship.
You tended them till grown,
mostly companionably.
But in one spinning moment
the bottom dropped out,
taking your belly with it,
leaving a burning hole,
a gift from hell. 
You hung there, akilter
like a fun-house mirror. 
Now she's gone,
and you are stuck
at the top of the wheel,
as if on pause.
No one knows what it's like.