You come blasting,
your primary mission
outfleeting fireworks,
orbiting outskirts--
Some rinkydink pissah
planet we got here, eh?
Sock it to me, sugar--
Bring on your missiles,
I will never join you.
6.26.2012
death star
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You had me at "death star," but when I read "rindydink pissah" I damned near wet myself!
ReplyDeleteI think you might make me want to watch Star Wars again, I just might never forgive you for that. ;)
ReplyDeleteyes, the "rinkydink pissah planet" is a perfect line.
ack, i woke up really bothered by this little poem. i changed the last line.
ReplyDeletewicked pissah!
I actually liked the last line, but I'm NOT a poet so what do I know??? LOL
ReplyDeletethe new ending is just as good, "never join you" is really a great description for the finale and the feelings of Skywalker (right, Skywalker??? )
for transparency's sake, here's the last line i had before:
ReplyDeleteYou, bad. Me? The worst.
honestly, i don't know what the hell i meant by that. the new last line makes sense to me in the metaphor here, and i do like it better because it refers back to Star Wars and all that. sheesh!
The death star is such a huge omen of doom just hanging over unsuspecting planets..I love the chin up, rebellious attitude of the speaker, but shudder to think if she can withstand the blasting. I thought your previous ending left the reader with some hint of her undisclosed super-power. And a shred of hope.
ReplyDeletehmmmmm, interesting. she DOES have a super-power!
ReplyDeletei find the level of analysis for this one-off little ditty quite charming. xo
You got fighting words here ~ The death star is an intriguing image ~
ReplyDeleteMy first thought was! "oh, yeah, bring it on, baby."" guess I'm feeling a bit rebellious myself.
ReplyDeleteNice slap your mama style--gotta love it, and no, you can never surrender to the Dark Side...really bad karma. I'm reading this politically--though that may have been the farthest thing from your mind--because it tickles me even more that way.
ReplyDeletegiggling and giggling about "slap your mama style," hedge... hah!
DeleteThose are fighting words!
ReplyDeleteLol......this is as curious as they come! I read the poem, I read the reviews, I read the poem, and it makes me laugh a little, especially your description of changing the last line. Cool and impactful and brazen and funny. Loved it.
ReplyDeleteDid you start reading the other one yet (SOWISA Babby Luv) that will make sense if you have.
YOU, in fact, are as curious as they come, Hero.
Deletei did not start yet! i am more than half way through this Wally Lamb book and then i'm gonna start. YOU WILL KNOW. I WILL BE TELLING YOU MY THOUGHTS AND FEELINGS ABOUT IT. xoxoxox
Pissah? That's Nassau County, not Crawford County. It's kind of large and small at the same time, if that makes any sense.
ReplyDeletehah! i don't live in Pennsylvania anymore :) and you make perfect sense.
ReplyDelete