Disoriented,shivering a little,imagining her in your embrace,rehashing your turgid argument for staying,watching her walk away without a glance back,wondering what you did to deserve this,remembering your mother.
This little number was inspired by two prompts: Laurie's Word at Real Toads today is turgid, and Trifecta asked for 33 words containing the word mother.
That last line is so powerful, Marian. Thanks for taking part in the prompt.
ReplyDeleteMarian - wow! That is so good.
ReplyDeleteNice!
ReplyDeleteThat last line kills.
ReplyDeletewithout a glance. I just did that with someone who's called a mother.
ReplyDeleteTeh last line made me rpoud to know you as a writer.
brilliant
this piece packs a punch: it sets up a great break up and a certain pathos. viva la
ReplyDeleteHistory does repeat itself in the worst ways. Great last line. Really like this piece. The opening is my favorite part, as it sets the scene so well: "Disoriented, shivering a little." Love the tie-in between the title and the last line. Great work.
ReplyDeleterosemarymint.wordpress.com
I like how the last line brought the relationship full circle. Great use of 33 words.
ReplyDeleteYes, this is one to resound on a cellular level.
ReplyDeleteI love your wonderful word pictures, and the last line is dynamite.
ReplyDeleteNicely done.
Beautifully done! I agree--the last line rocks! Powerful writing!
ReplyDeleteYou wallop a pretty big punch, what for you're weighing only 33 words n' all.
ReplyDeleteThat last line is a punch to the stomach. Well done.
ReplyDeleteGood one, Marian. Love the title and how the last line ties in.
ReplyDeleteYour writing always delivers Marian.
ReplyDeleteI love the rhythm of this, the build is beautifully done.
ReplyDeleteOuch, this one smarts...nothing worse than betrayal in love.
ReplyDeleteThe rhythm and the parallel construction of the lines is absolutely mesmerizing.
ReplyDeleteEvery word a good one.
ReplyDeleteThanks for linking up with Trifextra this weekend. I love the pacing of this little piece--it feels incredibly longer and more fleshed-out than possible in 33 words. Hope to see you back again soon.
ReplyDeletethanks for visiting and liking, friends. remember your mother today! :)
ReplyDeleteSo pretty, i loved it. My favorite, so far.
ReplyDeletewell done
ReplyDeleteI imagine her walking away without a backward glance. That would be the hardest part. And somehow I imagine it from her perspective, trying to make a clean break, maybe saving herself so she can perhaps come back and save the child, maybe hard and cold. Scary.
ReplyDeleteoh, thank you, lovely people. i like your interpretation, jester queen :)
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