What if my love dripped
rhythmically, like a faucet,
high hat staccato?
I'd lap love up thirstily;
parched again, I'd drum up more.***
Like your refreshing
grape popsicle, I'll drink you
deeply down, until
you can't take it anymore,
hold you on my tongue, swallow.***
At the end of days,
I want to be enveloped--
please, be my pea-pod!
With no future, I'd prefer
for you to ingest me whole.
This week, the Real Toads are writing tanka at the behest of Pirate Grace.
I love the way you did the first one. It made me smile, especially "high hat staccato" — well written!
ReplyDeleteK
Marian,
ReplyDeleteThese are great
I need to try again...
I loved it, but don't feel it I captured what i wanted...
Loved yours~
Your tankas are wonderful. I especially love "please be my pea-pod!" It is cool to see the different directions everyone took within a restrictive form. Very intriguing indeed.
ReplyDeleteThese are so good...I should go back to the writing board...
ReplyDeleteThese are fun, and clever. I love the naturalness that you've kept in the voice despite such a taut form.
ReplyDeleteI like the tanka verses ...parched, swallow, and ingest me whole ~ Now I am hungry ~
ReplyDeleteHeaven
http://a-sweetlust.blogspot.com/2012/03/waiting-for-spring.html
:) they ARE fun, fun to write. let's write some more!
ReplyDeleteLovely love.
ReplyDeleteNow I'm thirsty and need something artificially grape.
Humph!
Last one's my favorite.
I must have a dirty mind because to me that second one is suggestive. = )
ReplyDeleteare you kidding? they are *all* suggestive :)
Deleteahhh that first one, "high hat staccato"...succinct and perfect! x
ReplyDelete"be my pea-pod" What a line, Marian. This set of tanka made me smile. You write of love with such intensity, and it never sounds cliched.
ReplyDeletehah! thank you, lovely people. FUN
ReplyDeleteHell, I felt much the some of the others do...these are so good, I feel like I wrote mine in third grade with a Husky Pencil and a Big Chief tablet. Delicious....that middle one can get a body to sweating. Wow....exhilerating fo sho! Nice work.
ReplyDeleteThe first one is my favorite. Its much sexier than the usual metaphor/simile of love being like a river. My mind went wild places to. I like your provocative stuff.
ReplyDeletelike beautiful love songs, your tanka
ReplyDelete"What if my love dripped
rhythmically, like a faucet,
high hat staccato?"
gorgeous!
I love when you do forms.
ReplyDeleteLove.
Yum.
Oh you are so good...your wordplay within the strictness of the form is really well crafted!
ReplyDeleteHoly fuckity-fuck, Marian!! (pardon my Irish...)
ReplyDeleteYou continue to amaze me with your ability to string together powerful poetry...
I'm just saying, you rock. Honestly.
aw, friends, you are way over the top. thank you!
ReplyDeletenow go write some sexy tanka of your own :)
They are very suggestive. Never thought of that with a Tanka~you are quite talented.
ReplyDelete:) thanks.
Deleteyeah, i seriously don't know how to do these...
ReplyDeletestrong thematic elements carry through all, but each has its own delicious tang.
form loves you.
thanks, you :)
Delete!! I could see these on "adult" valentine day cards :)
ReplyDeletenow *there's* an idea i could run with! ;)
Deleteah but I have been away far too long,... I see I've missed your wondrous word wonders... only you, m'dear, could turn a leaky faucet into a love song
ReplyDeleteooooh you flatterer :)
Delete