the smell of dirt
exposed in a flash
lit up what ink forgot,
a shattered reverie.
exposed in a flash,
roots like glass bones:
shattered reverie
& slick whiskey finger.
roots like glass bones;
creepy night crawlers
& slick whiskey finger
point out the danger.
creepy night crawlers
uprooted & prostrate
point out the danger
of too much exposure.
uprooted & prostrate,
lit-up ink forgotten:
too much exposure
to the smell of dirt.
8.21.2011
rude awakening
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
macabre, my dear.
ReplyDeleteWell done!
ReplyDeletethanks!
ReplyDeleteVery good! Loved the form.
ReplyDeleteI am very intrigued by pantoums. Loved this one.
ReplyDeleteOh a startlingly dark pantoum. This took me to weird places of the imagination.
ReplyDeleteokay, well, as i was working on this, i wasn't really relating to it as dark or macabre. though now i can see that.
ReplyDeletei love the pantoum, it is really fun to work with the form and make it say something out of the repetition.
Loved "roots like glass bones". :-)
ReplyDeleteok, I'm impressed... I sat and worked on a pantoum and gave myself a headache... yet here you've done another!
ReplyDeletein love with this form and your words. and you. the first stanza had me so distracted (in a very, very good way) that i had to read it a few times before i could continue
ReplyDeletehee! thanks, pals. xoxo
ReplyDeletesarah... this form is tremendous. keep at it! it's a puzzle.
I am impressed. The form is one thing, but the cycle of thoughts that come to me from this is very interesting. I don't know if I understand all of it, but it is engaging. I was even going backwards through the lines. I don't think it's just the form, but I don't know.
ReplyDeletethanks, carl.
ReplyDeletedamp and dirty...smelly one
ReplyDeleteIntriguing indeed! Love it!
ReplyDeleteI love this... pantoum's one of my favorite forms. Slick whiskey finger and roots like glass bones- great lines!
ReplyDelete"lit up what ink forgot" - loved it!
ReplyDeleteI too love the line, "lit up what ink forgot"~
ReplyDeleteWell done~
Interesting form again.
ReplyDelete"too much exposure
to the smell of dirt."
"slick whiskey finger" makes me think of alcoholics who stink.
The pantoum is a stimulating form to work with. Well done.
ReplyDeleteI don't mind the smell of dirt, but nightcrawlers....too slimy. Nice pantoum and 'poem of smell.'
ReplyDeletei love the smell of dirt, actually.
ReplyDeletethanks for all the kinds words about this poem.
i'm kinda pantoum crazy. itching to write another.
or maybe that's the night crawlers.
Marian there are so many wonderful and thought provoking lines in this....perfect for the prompt! ;-)
ReplyDeletecreepy night crawlers?
ReplyDeleteSaints preserve us! lol
hah! i think i am being mocked. sorta refreshing.
ReplyDeleteA pantoun that doesn't seem to strain to reach the form. Eerie mood in this one. I enjoyed it!
ReplyDelete