8.21.2011

rude awakening

the smell of dirt
exposed in a flash
lit up what ink forgot,
a shattered reverie.

exposed in a flash,
roots like glass bones:
shattered reverie
& slick whiskey finger.

roots like glass bones;
creepy night crawlers
& slick whiskey finger
point out the danger.

creepy night crawlers
uprooted & prostrate
point out the danger
of too much exposure.

uprooted & prostrate,
lit-up ink forgotten:
too much exposure
to the smell of dirt.

26 comments:

  1. I am very intrigued by pantoums. Loved this one.

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  2. Oh a startlingly dark pantoum. This took me to weird places of the imagination.

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  3. okay, well, as i was working on this, i wasn't really relating to it as dark or macabre. though now i can see that.
    i love the pantoum, it is really fun to work with the form and make it say something out of the repetition.

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  4. Loved "roots like glass bones". :-)

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  5. ok, I'm impressed... I sat and worked on a pantoum and gave myself a headache... yet here you've done another!

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  6. in love with this form and your words. and you. the first stanza had me so distracted (in a very, very good way) that i had to read it a few times before i could continue

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  7. hee! thanks, pals. xoxo
    sarah... this form is tremendous. keep at it! it's a puzzle.

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  8. I am impressed. The form is one thing, but the cycle of thoughts that come to me from this is very interesting. I don't know if I understand all of it, but it is engaging. I was even going backwards through the lines. I don't think it's just the form, but I don't know.

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  9. I love this... pantoum's one of my favorite forms. Slick whiskey finger and roots like glass bones- great lines!

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  10. "lit up what ink forgot" - loved it!

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  11. I too love the line, "lit up what ink forgot"~
    Well done~

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  12. Interesting form again.
    "too much exposure
    to the smell of dirt."
    "slick whiskey finger" makes me think of alcoholics who stink.

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  13. The pantoum is a stimulating form to work with. Well done.

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  14. I don't mind the smell of dirt, but nightcrawlers....too slimy. Nice pantoum and 'poem of smell.'

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  15. i love the smell of dirt, actually.
    thanks for all the kinds words about this poem.
    i'm kinda pantoum crazy. itching to write another.
    or maybe that's the night crawlers.

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  16. Marian there are so many wonderful and thought provoking lines in this....perfect for the prompt! ;-)

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  17. creepy night crawlers?

    Saints preserve us! lol

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  18. hah! i think i am being mocked. sorta refreshing.

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  19. A pantoun that doesn't seem to strain to reach the form. Eerie mood in this one. I enjoyed it!

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