8.10.2011

goodbye to all that

she felt the pinkish glowing past her gleam;
instinct commanded now the time was right
to leave cellar despair & greet her dream:
      say hello to real life.

abandon dark in favor of the light?
she twitched & twisted til she thought she'd scream
but managed to escape & turn upright.

anticipating freedom, as it seemed
to take ages to reach her virgin flight,
escaping her cocoon--her former need--
      in favor of real life.

fixing her gaze upon the window there,
the crack through which delicious sunlight sighed;
she readied feeble wings to meet the air
      for a taste of real life.

as she soared through the window, free! she cried,
how free to fly, not going anywhere!
bright on your wing, urgent hedylidae!

into the sky, beyond all dark despair!
she winked & bid her inner life goodbye,
no turning back, no need to go back there.
      she flies, embracing her real life.

My Indie Ink writing challenge this week came from Stefan, who prompted me thusly: "She wakes to find herself hanging upside down in a dingy basement. What happens next?" This poetry form is called a roundel. Actually, it's two roundels.

28 comments:

  1. poetry always impresses me. I love the imagery you've created.

    ReplyDelete
  2. heh, if you are always impressed by poetry, stick around. you'll be amazed.

    ReplyDelete
  3. "embracing her real life"

    excellent response to the challenge

    ReplyDelete
  4. thank you!
    i almost always write fiction for my indie prompts, but this one was begging me to write another form poem.
    wouldn't wanna be too predictable, i guess.

    ReplyDelete
  5. Very awesome. To take what you were given and thrust it out of that scenario to become this. I just imagine you wiggling your fingers in excited anticipation before you begin to type.

    Curious: do you write your poems longhand first or just start them here?

    ReplyDelete
  6. hah! i write notes and scribble things down in my ever-present notebook. i usually get them down on paper and then transcribe to the computer, shifting words around, editing, tweaking.
    for these form poems, i usually write the rhyme pattern down the left side of a page and start with pen and paper. then i do the same on the computer so i can get it right. eventually when i'm sure i have the rhyme and meter correct, i remove the notes on the left and edit some more.
    thank you for asking!
    also? i'm kinda macho about the indie thing. i always try to think of something that's not the obvious response to the prompt. it's more fun that way. :)

    ReplyDelete
  7. so very cool!

    http://bttrflyscar.blogspot.com/2011/08/girl-in-shabby-green-coat-on-railway.html

    ReplyDelete
  8. Marian,

    A lovely break for freedom and expression.

    Eileen

    ReplyDelete
  9. I feel really strongly about the indie thing as well, especially with photo prompts. In addition to the poem i may write, when the subject is too obvious I also don't want to read and comment on thirteen poems about the same subject.

    ReplyDelete
  10. DUDE, WHAT THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING!

    The prompt was, she wakes to find herself hanging ... yada yada yada - THAT WAS AWESOME! I always saw this as a person in a tight situation but you peeled that like a banana and tossed away the skin and left us with a sweet poem!

    BRILLIANT WORK!

    ReplyDelete
  11. she survives,
    well painted imagery.

    ReplyDelete
  12. Oh I love this theme: following her dream and flying free!

    ReplyDelete
  13. Oh, I love, love, love your poetry. Well, heck, all of your writing. But you have a way of turning words that just makes me sigh.

    ReplyDelete
  14. I always think of butterflies as: you cocoon, you fly, you die. To give an insect the feelings and aspirations and hopes of a human- infinite life and all that stuff-great idea. I was expecting something dark and seedy based on the prompt, you turned it wonderfully.

    ReplyDelete
  15. I love this poem; I have a butterfly feel in mine.
    I love your imagery and these lines,
    "into the sky, beyond all dark despair!
    she winked & bid her inner life goodbye,
    no turning back, no need to go back there.
    she flies, embracing her real life"

    ReplyDelete
  16. I like the irony here. When women aren't free they are unhappy. If they are too free, then they are directionless and even more unhappy.
    The cocoon is a claustrophobic place but the free sky is even more frightening.
    But maybe she'll find her way there. You've ended it on a note of hope.

    ReplyDelete
  17. thanks, friends.
    madhumakhi, that's an interesting observation. don't forget, now she has to MIGRATE.
    a woman's work is never done!

    ReplyDelete
  18. This is an amazing poem. I have to agree with all the posts above. This poem and the wonderful comments tugged at my heart. Great job. I liked your form as well. Thanks to Poets United I found this!

    ReplyDelete
  19. A great piece. I can relate so much to this coming out into the "real world"

    ReplyDelete
  20. Wow. I love where you took this. Terrific.

    ReplyDelete
  21. Hello.
    I really like what you did with the prompt.

    Excellent imagery!

    Remove These Satin Sheets...

    ReplyDelete
  22. thank you, beautiful people. :)

    ReplyDelete
  23. I like the way you doubled up this Roundel.. it gave you more scope to pursue your theme. Lovely work.

    ReplyDelete
  24. The courage, to abandon the dark and embrace the light, comes hard to the night hunter. We of the night hold to the freedom of the darkness.

    But, you know, if the light allows poetry like this, it might be worth a try.

    ReplyDelete
  25. ooooh if i can drag the night hunters into the light?
    i will be drunk with wordy power!

    ReplyDelete