8.29.2011

doggerel

empty of words,
a chasm where once it was green.
empty of words
like enmity no one has heard
before, bitterness no one's seen,
tumbling downward from darkest dreams,
empty of words.

Pirate Grace's form challenge this week is the rondelet. Write one and link it up to Imaginary Garden With Real Toads!

17 comments:

  1. Marian~ TYPO! Let's try this again!
    You've captured the essence of communication gone awry, the feelings and sensations of lost relationship, in this expertly crafted rondelet.

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  2. similar sentiment as my Indie Ink challenge thing i wrote today.Bitterness defeating inside, looking for victory against it.

    brilliant. I loved very word.

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  3. I love how the thoughts tumbled so fluidly through the form - put me in mind of a cascade of water from beginning to end. I think you nailed it!

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  4. This is excellent and helpful. I say that because I am going to observe your work as I attempt to write my own. Of course after reading Grace's article at Toads ... well it makes me chuckle that you wrote "Doggerel."

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  5. tee hee! i was complaining to grace as i was writing this, about how difficult it was and how everything i was coming up with was trite. then we discussed the post for real toads and i was laughing about it and swore (after i read what she wrote) that i would write a rondelet called "doggerel." hah!

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  6. OMG, I loathe this feeling while trying to write.. and of course you've capture it perfectly.

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  7. Very clever and seemingly easy Rondelet.

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  8. ack, this was HARD. glad it looks like it was easy!
    thank you :)

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  9. You always make it look easy. If I didn't love you so much...

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  10. I love it; I agree it has a flow like feel. It is a view of struggling and being blocked. This was when I was here, last... ;D Well Done~

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  11. Marian I don’t know if yours somehow unwittingly pushed me in my direction with mine but oh well lol. For some reason I see colors when I read yours. Not the obvious green but all forest like with browns and blacks. I enjoyed the read although it was tinged with melancholy.

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  12. As one who writes true doggerel on many occasions, I'm not too sure about the title - but the rondelet works :)

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  13. You did such a great job on this, Marian.

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  14. You made the rondelet work for you. I too enjoyed the 'doggerel,' but this doesn't apply.

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  15. The title is a misnomer. Your rondelet aroused my sympathy, which is a compliment: it shows how well you wrote it.

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  16. thanks, friends!
    when i'm empty of words, it feels like only doggerel comes out.

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