5.01.2011

motherhood

i could not escape
i could not escape
no matter what i did
where i went
he found me
he said he would kill me
he said he would kill me
i know he can
i know he will
now he has found me again
oh please
please
please forgive me
forgive
oh please please please
if he is going to kill me
i am a mother
mother
mother
i am a mother
my babies
my babies
oh my god please
please please
know
please know
they must come with me
they are coming with me
they must
it must
it must be
it has to be.

what they won't understand
is why
why
why did i do this
why did i take them with me
i'll tell you why
here is why
because he will fucking kill me
he will kill me
fucking kill me
and then what
what will he do
what will he do with my children?
what will he do with my children
my children.

my children
ah my babies
my babies are my world
my whole world
who am i? i'm their mother
that is who i am
the mother of my children
he will kill me
and he will fuck my children
i will not allow it
no
no
hell no
my job is to protect them
and that is what i will do.

we are ready
i'm all prepared
it's only now a moment or two
to catch my breath
and we will be on our way
no turning back now
we are ready.

here we go
on our way
we'll be safe
we'll be free
we will all be free.

ah
ah
ahh
ah there it is
there it is
am i really doing this?
there it is
all i have to do
is press down with my right foot
press down
press down, right foot
all i have to do is press down
am i really doing this?
am i really doing this?
ah
ahhhh

oh
my
god
have
mercy
on
me
here
comes
the
water
oh my fucking god
here it comes
here comes the fucking water

oh she is crying
oh no she is trying
to break free
oh no oh she is crying
oh no oh oh oh she is trying
why can't i hold my babies right now
why can't i hold them
i want to hold her
oh baby here i am
oh there's her foot
her teeny baby foot
oh at least
i can hold her teeny baby foot
the others
asleep
sleeping
dreaming
in their carseats
carseats
strapped in
into their carseats
remember those carseats?
what could make us scream fight hate
like carseats?
finally they saved us
the fire department installed them
and saved us
from ourselves
ah now they save us
those properly installed carseats
my babies sleeping in their carseats
oh now
i hold her foot
she has stopped crying
she has stopped trying
the water
the water

what's that
what's that
movement
what's that my baby
my baby
my firstborn baby
oh my boy oh my baby
oh baby
what are you doing baby
my boy
oh my boy
oh what
oh what
i'm going
i'm going
what is he doing
what is he even doing
ahhh my baby boy
what what what
ahh my baby my firstborn my boy
he is getting free
he is getting free
look at him so strong oh
so strong
he got himself all undone
undone there
and OH THERE HE GOES
oh my baby boy
there he goes my baby boy
there he goes
up and out
there he goes all free

what
what
what am i doing
oh what am i doing
who am i oh i am a mother
i am a mother
what
oh fuck what oh what
oh
maybe
maybe
i made a mistake
i made a mistake
oh oh i am a mother
oh fuck
oh i am a mother
oh please
oh the water
oh the water
please
oh please please the water
oh
oh i have made a mistake
i have made a terrible mistake.
Week Eleven of the Indie Ink Writing Challenge. This week Amy of Transplanted Thoughts challenged me as follows: "I don't know much about poetry, but since it seems that's how your form your words, in Honor of Mother's Day coming up, write a poem about what motherhood means to you."

This is a piece of fiction inspired by current motherly events. But to be fair to Amy's prompt, I have written many lovely poems on the topic of motherhood. Like, for example, "on the wing," "small moments," and "sleepy girl haiku."

14 comments:

  1. jesus, Marian.

    I'd like to be more eloquent, but I'm all wordless with horror and wonder.

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  2. oh wow...

    ditto CDG.. but i'll try. *ahem*

    you are brilliant. they way you bring out emotions that so starkly contrast each other - terror, unconditional love, to name just a few - is masterful. this poem is haunting in more ways than one.

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  3. Holy shit. What disturbing subject matter, but you managed to convey her love for her children so well.

    I really liked the form of the poem, too. I could hear this sung as I was reading it.

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  4. This kind of emotion and the use of repetition is difficult to do well. I think you did!

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  5. jesus, reading this the next morning is no fun at all.
    sorry, people.

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  6. I've been to a good few 'spoken word' events and this poem (live) would totally slay an audience.

    You're a dangerous writer Marian!

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  7. I agree with Stefan - Danger! That was not only brilliant, but left me staring uncomfortably at my baby swinging in his swing. Unnerving! <3 you!

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  8. Oh, my fucking God, I am awestruck. I have chills and a deep strong desire to pull my boys into bed with me and hide.

    Incredible response and while I still don't know much about poetry - I know this is amazing.

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  9. well, huh. thanks so much for the prompt, Amy!

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