3.08.2011

a little mystery

Week three of the Indie Ink weekly writing challenge (in which participants are randomly challenged by our peers with a writing prompt). Challenging, all right.

They had been fighting like lovers angry words and accusations.

She spat you bastard then he had her against the wall ah fuck as he pushed her hard kissing her hard she gave in opened herself wrapped around him inside her breath in his ear.

That was how it was.

While he showered she searched for evidence of what dunno but she knew she would find it this time a pile of papers on the kitchen table beckoned her rifling gently she found a letter in loopy cursive on lined paper.
I don't know why she would leave you all I want is to sit on your couch naked and drink coffee and read The Nation why would she not want that who would not want that but you won't have me she does not know what she has and gave away I love you.
Eyes flooding dizzy she sat her naked self on the kitchen chair to take it in what when how what was the date on that letter?

Someone wanted what she had.

Warm and wet he appeared and she gave herself to him.

My challenge, from Zoeyjane, was: "Pick a post from one of your past Indie Challenges. Using third person only, rewrite it as a mystery." I chose my first challenge, "prisoner's dilemma," and this is where it went.

18 comments:

  1. This one's a real roller coaster - and I love roller coasters!

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  2. man, hard assignment.
    I can easily picture it tho...

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  3. so good. I love the writing style.

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  4. I've never encountered such awesome use of invisible commas (which would be the opposite of my overuse of commas and dashes). Good job - you totally aced it!

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  5. I love how you force the reader to reread by omitting the commas, etc.

    It makes the drama more intense.

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  6. ah, thanks. i figure that's kind of predictable on my part but you like it!

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  7. This was awesome. I actually felt the paranoia more keenly in this piece than in the poem.

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  8. i agree, this was a great piece. very original in form!

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  9. Difficult task, outstanding execution!

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  10. swooning back! yay! thank you, lovely writerly ones.

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  11. You live up to the name "runaway sentences" in this!! Enjoyed this!

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