2.22.2011

prisoner's dilemma

Folks, I am participating in a cool challenge thrown down by Indie Ink. It's a weekly writing challenge in which participants are randomly challenged by our peers with a writing prompt. Here is what I came up with this week, my first time!

prisoner's dilemma
she says i don't trust you
with all of me. he says
here are my secrets. but she knows
he has more
filed away on shelves
or in pockets.
categorized, she imagines
by year or relative beauty
like maple syrup
grade A or B
dark or light,
which was most perfect
who had the longest hair
or the tightest ass
who loved the best and fucked the hardest?
she stops
breathes
speaks again. i will tell you
if you come clean with me.
clean, he replies, is not
in my repertoire.

My prompt, from Michael Webb, was: "Write a scene involving two people. Both people have a secret that they are concealing from the other, but the secret is never revealed to the other person, or to the reader."

27 comments:

  1. Awesome! Love the 'categorized like maple syrup' idea - but maybe that's because I love maple syrup.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Oh it's gorgeous! I read it again and thought...there's something new in here. Then I got it. You're handling two people and you place us outside them both. Then you place them inside of us, one by one. It's like watching a scene somehow. Anyway, I think it rocks!

    ReplyDelete
  3. "relative beauty like maple syrup"

    yes.

    I like the dialogue and the monologue intertwined.

    ReplyDelete
  4. That is remarkable. Very, very well done.

    Outstanding job.

    ReplyDelete
  5. that's always a fun conversation. even more fun when both agree not to have it, and then one decides to ask questions anyway, of course refusing to answer the same questions.

    you really built up the tension. again, struck a universal nerve in a novel way. the title is great! me gusta.

    ReplyDelete
  6. Nicely done!! The tension you create is amazing. You nailed this - I hope you stay writing with us each week!! You killed it!

    -Jurgen Nation / Anastacia Campbell

    ReplyDelete
  7. This is awesome! Thank you so much for participating in the writing challenge.

    ReplyDelete
  8. KIcked that challenge right in the ass. Yep.

    ReplyDelete
  9. heh, thanks, pals.
    i do not recommend this conversation in connection with any relationship you want to keep.

    ReplyDelete
  10. Very nice! Although I think I'll take your recommendation and NOT have this conversation anytime soon in my life... If I can help it, LOL!

    ReplyDelete
  11. haha...yeah think i will hold off as i know i would fail at the tight ass...

    ReplyDelete
  12. This makes me achy, its raw and
    frustrating.
    beautifully written, its this part of
    you I feel like I've been missing...
    Love

    ReplyDelete
  13. wow, this packs quite a punch. nice read.

    ReplyDelete
  14. awesome write all through - loved the maple syrup idea and the ending is great

    ReplyDelete
  15. I love you for making a poem out of yours - and a gorgeous one at that.

    "categorized, she imagines
    by year or relative beauty
    like maple syrup"

    Augh, fantastic! I can't wait to see your work next week. :)

    ReplyDelete
  16. Love this-- clean not in my repertoire....xxxj great prompt too.

    ReplyDelete
  17. Well it was a great response to a prompt.. and I enjoyed reading it.. great one shot..

    ॐ नमः शिवाय
    Om Namah Shivaya
    http://shadowdancingwithmind.blogspot.com/2011/02/whispers-tanka-and-search-for-being.html
    Connect with me at Twitter @VerseEveryDay

    ReplyDelete
  18. also? it is maple sugaring season! the sugar shacks open this weekend!
    i am so ready to get my pancakes on.
    aaaaahhhhhhhh!

    ReplyDelete
  19. Very well played! (Also: Hello!)

    I'm thinking this weekly writing challenge is going to be ridiculous amounts of fun.

    ReplyDelete
  20. I'm so glad you turned your challenge into a poem. And a hot one at that!

    ReplyDelete
  21. Fan-fricking-tastic!

    (That guys creeps me out.)

    ReplyDelete
  22. yay! hello, people, and thanks.
    yeah, he's creepy. but she's all toxic and crazy, too.
    let's just call it generally unhealthy. even if hot.

    ReplyDelete
  23. That was incredibly well done. This challenge would likely have thrown me for a loop, but you pulled it off with intimidating ease.

    ReplyDelete
  24. ah! thank you. but please, please put "intimidating" out of your mind.
    just a chick over here writing down the sometimes sick shit that pops into my head.
    truth be told, i was nervous about participating in this challenge because i write poems, mostly, and definitely not prose-fiction. which i think most of the others do. so i am sure i will be nervous about doing it again next week. but that's why it's a challenge!

    ReplyDelete