on a barefoot floor
of the end of days
in a flash of resistance
i, sticky with pine tar,
am fomenting revolt.
1.01.2011
and how are you?
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on a barefoot floor
of the end of days
in a flash of resistance
i, sticky with pine tar,
am fomenting revolt.
fomenting...
ReplyDeletegreat word.
sticky with pine tar
ReplyDeleteI know what you're up to...
am i that predictable?
ReplyDeleteTree troubles?
ReplyDeleterebellion!
ReplyDeleteI like this but observe the 5-7-5-7-7 rules!
ReplyDeleteBut the sentiment (in intent!) is wonderful!
Lady Nyo
ha! point well taken.
ReplyDeletei was playing with various forms a while back, the other one has an additional 7 as the last line, so i guess i wasn't following the rules at all! oh, well. here it is anyway:
http://www.runawaysentence.com/2011/01/total-eclipse.html
I love this little poem, but I agree with Lady Nyo, Tanka is 5,7,5,7,7 a little tweek and it could be perfection hun x
ReplyDeleteLovely poem, like the contrasts.
ReplyDeletenice...love the barefoot floor and the fomenting...tight tanka....
ReplyDeletethanks folks, i like it too, even if i fucked up the meter.
ReplyDeletethinking woman alright:
ReplyDeleteI had to read this several times before I could savour it.
So good, that I almost forgive you the twitter bird flipping up and down in the corner of my eye.
Only almost, mind :-)
ha! so funny, i have never received a complaint about that little birdie before. it pleases me! annoying? huh.
ReplyDelete