12.11.2010

horror for the holidays

She could see that tab amidst the chaos on her computer screen, behind emails, spreadsheets, documents. One new gmail message. Click.

Auction ended! Thank you for your purchase of Horror Eyeballs!

That wasn't on the holiday shopping list.

She picked up the phone and dialed her husband. "Did you buy horror eyeballs on Ebay?"

"Oh, yeah," he replied. "I have an idea about sending them to Maryssa for her Christmas present."

"Oh, okay. I was just checking to make sure our Paypal account wasn't hijacked."

"Nah, it's all fine."

"Okay. Is spaghetti okay with you for dinner?"

"Sure, love you."

"Love you back. Talk to you later."

Later, after dinner and pajamas and brushing teeth and stories and bedtime for kids, she reflected on her husband sending horror eyeballs to his online girlfriend in Hollywood for Christmas. The horror eyeballs that look like real eyeballs, ripped out of someone's actual skull.

"So, what's your idea for Maryssa's present?"

"Well, I thought I'd put hooks in them to make them into tree ornaments. Or maybe earrings."

Pause. "You're spending twenty-five bucks on horror eyeballs for Maryssa for Christmas. I wasn't planning to spend twenty-five bucks on you."

"Well, you can't buy just one eyeball."

6 comments:

  1. It's totally true.

    You can't buy just one eyeball.

    ReplyDelete
  2. you have experience with this, love?

    ReplyDelete
  3. yes! story cherry broken!
    more now...now we want more.

    ReplyDelete
  4. uh oh, is that how this works? dammit.

    ReplyDelete